LET THE ANGST BEGIN.

I don't actually know how much more of this section I'll upload...some of it is...rough...but this is the beginning of my super-angsty times...



TEXT: You toyed with my emotions like some dummy dolled messed me up in mind you will never know how now confess your mean teases and

THE RED PERIOD.

Here we have four pages of strange drawings...more drawings to come.







Here we have some of the earliest samples of "Seandish" a scrambled language in which I spoke and wrote fluently in middle school. There were as many as five Seandish speakers at its peak.

TRANSLATION: Help me I am seeing things my mind does accelerate my sight but I have never seen something that wasnt there I wrote a poem and put it into a balloon as a gift for Katie I do fear a tiny bit that it wont be thought of as a friendly act but as some sort of "romantic" thing. But it is really just a friend gift

(I have no idea what I'm talking about...)

A year later....PLUS, I LIKED A GIRL.

"I'm back, I haven't written for a while its 06-02-04 so the year has passed. I developed an interest in drawing, I was elected a representative to my 6th grade and then VP of 04-05."

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS AWESOME. Now, this section was blacked out at some point, just like the CIA, nbd, BUT THANKS TO MODERN TECHNOLOGY, we have been able to read past the cover-up.

"But most importantly I fell in love, her name is #$%(@@@#&%)@*#%) I want to marry her. Some people fall in love and out in a day but have battling this for an entire six months but I can't. I haven't told her."

Who knew?

Middle School.

"It is now middle school and here is my schedule (1) Band (every nine weeks first is geography) (2) math (3) Gif res/gym (4) English (5) Science (6) Geo (or band)

For ****** I have (Teacher A), the mean idiot of the century. He is a loser because that is the only thing he can do. (Teacher B) is nice but I hate **** so it is an even equation. (Teacher C) is a wretched inconsiderate selfish F****ing B****, truly she might be a F***ing Bas**** for those idiots that means that she is a transvestite."

For the record, I ended up liking Teachers A and C.

Also, here is early evidence that I am ALL up in queer theory from the beginning.

NO AUTOGRAPHS, PLEASE.

There are some subtle gems in these pages, including the pros and cons list next to each variant of my potential signature, none of which look anything like my real signature.

"On the following pages, I will perfect my signature."

Palace

This is shameful....

"Palace is a chat zone/socializing area. Many a times you will find me there I will trade my registration code to become a partial God, a partner in a palace. I need his expertise, and computer yet I have my registration code. I have this code tucked in my folders of my computer where he will never obtain it. My powers on him are weak if I can make it so he needs me then I can bargain to the point where I have the upper hand this might be it. Yet I don't wish to get my hopes up. But I decided when I can be alone I will prove that I am great first to myself."

...smh.

VACATION RHOSE ISLAND

I can only describe this entry.

Basically, I listed all the members of my family (I had just gone to a wedding) and ranked them based on "how much I care about that person," though, later, I say that it was "how nice they were to me."

One of my cousins got two stars.

My Energy Machine:

"My energy machine: To protect the secret the instructions will be written in code only I read properly. Normal symbols are not used in plans."

...I have no idea what this code is.

Wtf?

"If this should end this very day what would become of human dignity will it whither with the nevermore howlings or stay to ends?"

Poll.

So, I wrote a little quiz and answered it based on the people who were in my gifted class. Why? I don't know. I won't include the answers. The questions are funny enough.

Who do you hate?
Who would you trust with your life?
Who is most honest?
Who will be a household name?
*Who is smartest?
*Who is going to be most successful?
Who is sanest?
Who needs therapy?
Who will get by in life not using intelligence?
Who should talk less?

*I answered myself.

My Future Dreams....

...this might be a controversial section.

"I would like list the things that I would like to be first is a political route in this order Lawyer, Senator (many years), VP, President of the United States of America. On a entertainment route public access, minor network, known network, local stations, minor major network, major network. I would be a late night comedian, like Jay Leno or David Letterman. My other major dream is to go to Harvard and then Harvard law graduating with honors. I am a smart-alec now think of what 6 years of snippy college proffesors will do to me."

The Journal Itself...

You must understand...this is no spiral notebook...

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL JOURNAL FROM THE TELEVISION SERIES, "THE MOLE."

Leather bound. Embossed fingerprint. THE WORKS.

Warning Poem

This is written on the inside....

If ye look upon what
I write, be prepared
for a murderous blight,
God forbid it now and
here, for my words to
catch another's ears, So
be warned and beware
before yuo peek, You
may find more than what
you seek.

- Sean Peter Drohan.
02-25-03

First Entry Cont. (part 3 of 3)

(This is perhaps the most troubling and most exciting section. I felt it deserved it's own blog post)

This face I can't get it out of my head I'll draw it now.

First Entry Cont. (part 2 of 3)

After I get camera I could be director (A) would be thrilled to get rid of it. she wants to be an announcer. (B), whom is computer, brags about her typing skills, while, meanwhile she "hunts and pecks." The announcers (C) and (D) bicker nonstop and (C) is this priss that things that she is some movie star. (A) is the most lethargic person ever.

I have got either friends that are sometimes too cool or total dweebs. (E) has mood changes one moment I am his best friend then he doesn't want to talk to me. (F), who is my mutal friend friend with (E), is a total moron. (E) is also a total moron. (G) is nice but obnoxious he is a goody-two shoes. Also he is way too nice. I like to call people things every now and then. (H) has no life. He makes dumb remarks and says, "That's sad" way too many times. Someway, (H) is in gifted with me. I don't get it. (G) has an IQ of 159 and (H)'s is only 111 a difference of 48 points. (H) should be in gifted. Oh yeah by the way my IQ is 181 oh yeah I should be in Mensa. I am a total prodigy. I have the capacity to learn math, and read 12.9 grade level. Certain people I hate with a passion. In alphabetical order (I go on to list six people) But they'll get theirs! So today we had "Mr. Rick" motivational speaker for FCAT. OH MY GOD. It was pure torture. Anybody who imitates that thing from the water boy "I can dew eat" should be locked up with all those touching sob story shrinks. Shrinks are the biggest lie they make (???? ????) think that he is as light as a feather.

So we have this new art teacher she's great. Of course everybody hates her. Like let me give you an example. I answered a question and it was confusing and Ms. Sadeq said, Did you all understand what Sean said? Michael came out and said, "Nobody ever understand what Sean says." Well she then said Why don't you answer the question since you can word it so much better he didn't know the answer. I loved it. Back to the friends thing. We have (E) who I hold in the highest but then there is (F) if it is just the three of us it is fine but if anybody else is around they have to prove to them that that they are top dog. Oh and me and (E) are fine we go to the movies all the time. Then there are the girls let me summarize this up in one sentence. (E) likes Bridget who is a foot taller than him and secretly likes Rick but when she says she has a boyfriend she makes up a name. (F) is hard to keep track of, it started with A, then B, then C, and again now I think he is on J. On other friends, there is this kid RH he is a little weird. He a great mathematician buthe knows nothing about anything else. Like he knows 100 x 1042 by heart yet he doesn't know the saying whats good for the bee is good for the hive. Also, he is a little TOO nice. Like he will give something to someone he doesn't like while I will just say "go get a life oh and on the get that pencil you need cause you're not getting it from me." And I am not mean. That is normal kid banter. I try to teach him to be cruel it doesn't work he can't say an insult if his life depended on it.

I think my family should very much so be desribed.

(I go on to write about my family...I can't put that here...just...shit got real...whoa.)

There is a reason why me and Robert are friends. He is too nice. I could be nicer. He is forgiving I hold a grudge.

So, I just found my 5th grade journal........

...but it extends into 8th grade...there is crazy shit in here, and it explains how I got to be insane. I will be reading through and putting information up here as I review it. I will try to be AS UNCENSORED AS POSSIBLE. I will also do my best to preserve my original spelling and grammar.

Here's your first bit:

My name is Sean. I am going to use this journal to say all those remarks that would have been not been said and pretty much that's all, other than recapping the day. So I am a total nerd, let me put it to you this way I had to go into the bathroom just to open my report card because I was affraid (sic) that I wouldn't get straight a's. I did. I have this obsession with getting A's. In third grade I got straight a's all year. I gained a reputation for ingenious so now I am obsessed. I am also in cub scouts. I just got the "arrow of light" which is the highest achievement in cub scouts and now I may go on to boy scouts. I am also in broadcast. The moron 5th graders who say all year "I want to be in broadcast" when there is a sign up sheet wouldn't at all. So we had to let those nasty 4th graders in who are down right ungrateful they aren't even supposed to be in broadcast. So I am in camera training right now and one of the camera people I think are purposefully not teaching me things to prolong their time on camera.